POV

** Please note correction, and damn my sloppy typing ** I have had so many people write me, saying that they would like to become writers and could I read their story, that I've decided to start a little library of occasional posts on the mechanics of writing. Being that, for the most part, I'm an amateur myself, it might seem disgustingly arrogant of me to offer advice. But for the very reason that I myself am a beginner, I think I might have some insight into the really tough problems you encounter when you start to write. For a start, most of the advice I have read just assumes knowledge that, when I began writing, I didn't have. So here is the first post: POV POV, or point of view, is the voice you use to tell the story in. There are many different POVs, but only a few are used in modern fiction. This is not to say that you can't use one of the less common ones, but you do risk alienating your reader if you do. POV is important to a story because it is the bridge between the reader and the writer. Remember there are really three people involved in a reading: the writer, the narrator, and the reader. Who the fuck is this 'narrator', you say? Well, take a look at the opening paragraph of Catcher in the Rye, by J.D. Salinger (I don't know about you, but I had to read this in school). If you really want to hear about it, the first thing you'll probably want to know is where I was born, and what my lousy childhood was like, and how my parents were occupied and all before they had me, and all that David Copperfield kind of crap, but I don't feel like going into it. In the first place, that stuff bores me, and in the second place, my parents would have about two haemorrhages apiece if I told anything pretty personal about them. They are nice and all -- I'm not saying that -- but they are also touchy as hell. Besides, I'm not going to tell you my whole goddamn autobiography or anything. I'll just tell you about this madman stuff that happened to me around last Christmas before I got pretty run-down and had to come out here and take it easy. Now, J.D. Salinger was already a full grown adult when he wrote this book, so the voice - the "I" in the story - is not Salinger's; it's the narrator. In this case, the narrator is a 16 year old boy named Holden Caulfield. And, as you can see, the story is going to be seen through his - very subjective - eyes. He speaks about himself as 'I' - not the writer, but the character. The two most common POVs are first person and third person limited. First Person: Wikipedia Reference The extract above is written in the first person. It's a very engrossing way to tell a story because it invites the reader to actually become the "I". It's a little limiting though, because your narrator can't tell you about what is happening outside his own head, or outside his experience. If he suddenly launched into a history of psychotherapy you wouldn't believe him and it would be out of character. First person is a good POV for erotica because it's so intense and personal. The reader becomes, if the story is written well, the character: does what he does, feels what he feels, thinks what he thinks. But here is the limitation to this POV: it's so personal that sometimes it can jar with what a reader is willing to experience close up. I might write a standard sex scene in first person because it's probably not going to ick anyone out, but I wouldn't write a heavy BDSM scene in first person, because there are things that might turn you on from a distance, that you wouldn't want to be the 'I' in. Hard to explain, but I hope you get what I mean - it might just be too close for comfort. Third Person Limited: Wikipedia Reference This is another very, very common POV. In this POV the narrator is invisible. He sits like a little ghost on the shoulder of the main character. He **can** look in his ear and tell us what the main character is thinking, doing, saying, feeling. But he can't tell us what anyone else is thinking. It's called 'limited' because the view of the narrator is limited to a single character (within any given scene). This is a very compelling way to tell a story because it's more neutral and objective than first person, but it's still believable - we are still limited to what goes on and happens in a single person's mind and their words, actions, and view of the world. Third person limited is particularly good for erotica, because we get all the sensations that the main character is feeling, and can only guess at, or speculate on what the other person or persons are feeling. Because this is so much like real sex, it's a very good POV for erotica. It's not quite as immediate as first person, but it's a very good POV for writing something like, say, golden showers - where you are inviting the reader to see the eroticism in something they might not, personally, want to indulge in in real life. Here's an example of third person limited: He lay flat on the brown, pine-needled floor of the forest, his chin on his folded arms, and high overhead the wind blew in the tops of the pine trees. The mountainside sloped gently where he lay; but below it was steep and he could see the dark of the oiled road winding through the pass. There was a stream alongside the road and far down the pass he saw a mill beside the stream and the falling water of the dam, white in the summer sunlight. "Is that the mill?" he asked. "Yes." (Hemingway, For Whom the Bell Tolls 1) Other POVS There are a lot of other POVs but if you are a beginner, it's better if you don't use them. Some Common Mistakes that new writers make First Person omniscient One of the most common mistakes I see in beginner writers is that they want to tell you what everyone is thinking. 'I fucked her hard - her sweet little pussy was loving it.' This is first person omniscient and it's completely unbelievable. There is no way that the narrator can know what her pussy is feeling. He can only tell us that her pussy was spasming wildly and then we can assume that she's loving it. If you write in this voice, readers won't trust anything you say. Second Person Wikipedia Reference I notice that beginner writers often write in second person because they have written this story, to begin with, for their lover. Second person is fine if you have an audience of one, and that one person is someone you know intimately, but if you want to write for a larger readership, keep away from it: here's why: 'I grab you by the hair, bend you over the back of the couch and slide my throbbing dick into your wet snatch. Your brain explodes with pleasure.' HELLO! Can you imagine being a hetero male and reading this? Yikes! Icky-poo! Beyond just the squick factor, readers get pissed off when you tell them what they're thinking - which is exactly what is happening at the end of this sentence. Third Person omniscient New writers want to tell you about everyone all at once. It seems like a good idea, but it's not because readers know that reality isn't really experienced this way. 'Ken could feel his cock stiffening in his pants - he wanted to fuck her so bad. Kelly's cunt moistened and she thought how good it would feel to have him inside her. Meanwhile, across town, Roger the cop was getting it up the ass from his friend the fireman.' Notice that we are finding out what both Ken and Kelly are thinking and feeling? This isn't possible in the real world and a reader's ability to play along with your fiction depends on you not asking them to imagine what it would be like if they had ESP. Of course, some people write in this voice, especially in some types of sci-fi, but it's normally just confusing for the reader. It's often called "head hopping". Also, at the end of the excerpt, we suddenly get pulled all the way across town! Ack...they were just about to fuck! That is why third person omniscient is sometimes called the "god voice" - because only god could know all this. It seems like a convenient way to tell all the info in a story, but remember, your reader isn't god and (even though he or she might like to be) it feels very unnatural to them to have the information presented this way. Some hints for how to rescue a story you've started if you've made one of these mistakes A lot of the mistakes can be corrected just by taking out some information, or telling it in another way. Look at the first example - the omniscient first person problem. Instead of telling the reader what her pussy is feeling, just describe how it's feeling around your character's dick OR, give the girl some dialogue. Get her to SAY how it's feeling. The second person problem can also be easily solved. Everywhere you have used the word "you", just write a character's name or a pronoun: he, she. Remember that you're going to have to fix the verbs a bit too - but it's easy to rescue. Third person omniscient is a little more work to solve. Do the same thing suggested in how to solve the first person omniscient problem: decide which is your main character, and leave their thoughts and feelings be. Then, all the other characters say something or do something that lets us understand what they're thinking or feeling. Dialogue or actions can tell us as much, if not more, about that person. However, when it comes to the bit about the cop, you are going to have to start a new scene. If you're going to show us Ken and Kelly getting it on - do that first, and then make a scene break. (commonly shown by a double paragraph break and some asterixes) Kelly and Ken get down and dirty in this section * * * Roger does the fireman here. * * * Back at Ken's apartment, we watch Ken and Kelly bask in the afterglow and promise undying love. * * * The fireman tells Roger he feels used and cheap. Roger slaps him and fucks him again. Get the idea? ;-)Please feel free to post any questions you have or, if you're shy, you can send me an email. remittancegirl@gmail.com

The Nonissue

I don't often blog about news here, but I was so damn pleased by a NYT article posted today about a study of gays and lesbians in the British armed forces, I just had to post a link. In 2000, the European courts ruled that keeping gays out of the British armed forces contravened their human rights. The change in policy was much feared; many predicted all sorts of dire consequences. But it seems they were wrong. Read: Gay Britons Serve in Military With Little Fuss, as Predicted Discord Does Not Occur

Well... I thought about it.

If you are one of those people who subscribe to my posts via email, I do apologize for last night's bit of weirdness. I've been considering deleting it, but then I felt that would be cheating and disingenuous. This way, you get a little glimpse of what a pathetic loser I am. I want to defend my song choices by saying that, at the *Nice* Karaoke Bar (yes, it's name is really *Nice*), there is nothing even remotely contemporary on the song list. Read: Karaoke Night - Hers or Karaoke Night - His

Okay...I rarely do this

It's midnight. I've come home from an evening of strange, post-modern Karaoke in rooms with bad mirrors and fake terrazzo tiles. I'm deliciously drunk. And... like a virgin - phew! - no, no, no. Oh... half way there, oh-ho living on a prayer. No...not that either... All I know is that to me You look like your lots of fun open up your loving arms and watch out, here I come. Hmmm... perhaps not. M-m-m-m- my Sharonna.... You - you make me feel brand new. I've been on the desert on a horse with no name, it felt good to be out of the... Downtown, everything's waiting for you. Hot town, summer in the city Back of my neck getting dirty and gritty... When I give my love, it will be forever. ... Gimme, gimme, gimme a man after midnight... Young girl, they call them the Diamond Dogs. Ch-ch-ch-chain. Chain of fools. Re-lax, go to it, when you want to... Be my, be my baby, be my.... Cowboy, on a steel horse I ride. And I'm wanted...dead or alive. Kiss, kiss....bang, bang... Good night, sweet prince. May flights of angels see the to thy rest.

Erotic By Nature: David Steinberg

Always on the lookout for the real, I ran across a really wonderful series of photographs by David Steinberg called "Erotic by Nature". What interested me even more than the subject matter was the photographer's eye. There's a subtle femdom thing that creeps into a lot of is photographs, often not overt. Have a look: David Steinberg: Erotic by Nature

Commercial Link Requests - Alert

I apologize to any of my regular readers who are going to receive this, but the flood of email for link requests from commercial parties is pissing me off: So, instead of answering them individually, I'll post an open letter here: Dear (Whomever), I get a lot of these types of requests because I have a good hit rate on my site. I get this many visitors because I am not commercial and I sell nothing. I simply write erotica and hope that people will enjoy it. I understand your marketing and promotion strategy, but it irks me when you send me a form letter that, after cleverly implying you have actually read any of the stories on my site, says this: If you are interested in becoming a reviewer or writer, please email at (whomever@whatevercompany.com) and submit a writing sample or link to your blog Which means that you haven't bothered to read any of my stories. Since I write to be read, not to sell anything, you can imagine that there is no motivation for me exchanging a link with you other than just pure friendship. Sending me a form letter really doesn't endear me to you or your cause. Regards, Remittance Girl. Meanwhile, if you are a writer of erotica or someone who just writes a sexy blog, I'd be happy to exchange links. There is far too much selling in this world. Some things, like a good wank, ought to be free.

The Waiting Room - Warning

Most of you have probably already read The Waiting Room, but for those of you who haven't, I thought I'd let you know that I am about to take it down off the web so I can polish and submit it for publication, so you have about a week before I do this. The Waiting Room is a novella in 28 chapters that chronicles the relationship of two travelers to Cambodia. It's a story of strange people in strange places. The content is adult, erotic and concerned with the subject of domination and submission. For all of you who have read it already, thanks for taking the time to read it and comment. As I start my last draft of the story, your comments will be very helpful to me.

What I've Been Doing

Yup...well, not writing short stories, that's for sure. And I feel kind of guily about not posting anything significant here for a while, so I thought I'd give you proof that I'm not being bone idle by posting you my course homework for my masters. This weeks homework was to re-write the ending of an episode of a series. I chose episode 15 of Deadwood. _____ The series I chose to work with is a 3 season, 36-episode television drama series produced by HBO called Deadwood. Deadwood chronicles the rise of a small mining camp in the Black Hills region of South Dakota during the time of the 1870's gold rush. At the time of its inception, the camp is not legally part of any state, but situated on Native American treaty territory. As the town grows, the prospect of it being taken into the "Union" presents one of the large story arcs in the series. The series also incorporates a great deal of American wild-west mythology, drawing in such icons of the West as Calamity Jane, Wyatt Earp and Wild Bill Hickok. Some, like Jane, are central characters in the series. The series might be considered a docudrama, in that many of the events and characters portrayed in the series are historically accurate. The series has been the focus of much controversy for its gritty portrayal of frontier life in a gold-rush town, its obscene language and its treatment of the camp's women who, with few exceptions, are prostitutes. The episodic structure is more filmic than most TV series. Very few story arcs are tied up in any single episode, and, with the series cancellation at the end of the third season, some arcs were never resolved. Despite some of the criticism levelled against it, "Deadwood is one of most acclaimed dramas on television. The series was nominated for 22 Emmys(r) and won 7 and earned a Golden Globe(r) Award in its first two seasons for Ian McShane." (About the Show, Deadwood Website, 2005) For the purposes of the exercise set in this week's module, I have chosen to write the ending of Episode 15, titled "New Money". To assist in tracking the various story arcs and plot line, I made an Excel spreadsheet outlining each of the 36 scenes in the episode, summarizing each of them. I have appended the spreadsheet to my post. My undying thanks go to the marvellous Cristi Brockway who, as a dedicated fan, has produced transcripts for each of the episodes in the series. New Money, Episode 15, Deadwood. Pre-Summary: It is understood by the audience that Al Swearingen, owner of the Gem Saloon and brothel and the most powerful force in the town, has had an extremely violent fistfight with the newly appointed Sheriff, Seth Bullock. Bullock has had a short-lived and passionate affair with the lately widowed and now extremely rich Alma Garret, and the cause of the fight lies there. In Swearingen's irritation at what he sees as Bullock's moral hypocrisy. Both have been injured, as has Seth's partner in his hardware store, Sol Star, and his recently appointed deputy and friend, Charlie Utter. Swearingen's business competitor, Sy Tolliver, the owner of the Bella Union, has reluctantly let his madam, Joanie, leave to start her own high-class brothel, the Chez Ami. A group of girls, and Joanie's partner in the new venture, Maddie, have just arrived in town. Sol Star, the only Jew in the town, has been having a strange and rather one-sided affair with one of Swearingen's whores, Trixie. She is torn between her loyalty to Swearingen, and her badly hidden affection for Star. Meanwhile, negotiations for the inclusion of the Black Hills territory into either the state of Dakota or of Montana, has been proceeding and legal wranglings at the state level have left the town insecure in their legal status and unsure of the legitimacy of their gold claims. In the previous episode, Bullock's wife (his brother's widow) and stepson arrive in town, putting an uncomfortable and sudden end to his relationship with Alma Garret. Summary: The episode opens with Swearingen dreadfully ill, not only due to his recent beating, but also because he's suffering from kidney stones. A stranger arrives in town and is revealed to be a representative for George Hearst. He enlists the help of Mayor and hotel-owner E.B. Farnum, and Cy Tolliver, to spread rumours that the gold-claims held by the townspeople will be ruled illegitimate, with an eye to plummeting the price of holdings so his employer can purchase claims cheaply. The newly arrived Maddie, Joanie's partner at the Chez Ami, recognizes the stranger as a Frances Wolcott. His reputation as a sexual sadist has given her the idea to lure him into a situation in which she can blackmail him for money, at the risk of a whore's life. Meanwhile, Seth Bullock attempts to play the good husband and father to his newly arrived wife and stepson. Their interrelationships are tenuous and uncomfortable as it is clear that Bullock has established a life and entanglements in the camp. Trixie, Star's lover, asks to be given lessons in accounts, but her offer to pay "in cunt" for the lessons is rebuffed and she is left humiliated by the rejection of the only currency she possesses. She is torn between the prospect of a "legitimate" life, and the comfort of what she knows as a whore at the Gem. In a less than sober conversation with Calamity Jane, we are informed that the nefarious Swearingen is a complex character who has plotted to take the life of Alma's ward, Sophia but, at the same time, has taken the cripple, Jewel, under his wing to keep her from the horrors of orphanage life. The doctor is finally allowed to attend Swearingen and makes his employees aware of the gravity of his illness. The ending of the episode as written: There is no real resolution of any of the story arcs at the end of this episode. Swearingen has been seen by the doctor, and his immediate peril of drowning in his own waste has been avoided, but the kidney stones are still there and removing them with surgery will probably kill him. The rumour mill has begun to turn and the uncertainty of the towns gold-claims have begun to run through the population. Joanie has had her first close encounter with the sinister Mr. W. and Maddie's plan to entrap him in a scandal is in the works. Trixie remains undecided as to which side of the fence to walk on: as an clerk in Star & Bullock's hardware store, or as head whore at the Gem. Alma Garret is left to watch wistfully as Bullock attempts to play husband and father, with Ellsworth, her mine manager, as awkward but supportive companion. My version, by necessity a single tie up of a single story arc, begins at scene 34, with Wolcott in Jeanie's room. SCENE 34 – INTERIOR: JEANIE'S ROOM AT THE CHEZ AMI BROTHEL WOLCOTT:     (sitting down on a chair at the side of Jeanie's bed) Who am I. JEANIE:     You, sir, are Mister W. (she walks over to him and straddles his knees, unbuttoning his shirt). Your boss struck bigger than anyone in the Comstock and Mexico.  So you bein' here puts a shine to this camp's prospects.. Ain't that right? WOLCOTT:     (Visibly uncomfortable at her proximity) That is indeed the case. Don't don't JEANIE:     Shush now, honey. Every man, no matter how high'n' mighty, needs a little fun now and then (she continues unbuttoning his shirt, gazing into his eyes seductively.) WOLCOTT:     Don't don't look at me. Look away! JEANIE:     (covering her confusion) Alrighty, then. How's about I just pay attention to other business. (She slips her hand down into his trousers). WOLCOTT:     No stop it. Get off me, you whore. JEANIE:      (ignoring his protestations, she continues with her ministrations) Name callin' ain't gonna work with me, Mr. W. I know what I am, and I can tell you like me just fine. WOLCOTT:     (almost catatonic, reaches surreptitiously into his jacket pocket and pulls out a straight-edged razor, thumbing it open. Suddenly calmed, his voice is cold). Where did you learn your craft, Miss Jeanie, at your daddy's knee? JEANIE:      (Sensing a change, his turn towards viciousness, she looks down and sees the razor. She redoubles her efforts to distract him while reaching behind to pull the gun, tucked into the back her skirt's waistband out) It seems to me you ain't too particular 'bout where I learned it. WOLCOTT:     (visibly aroused, glassy eyed, he grabs her hair, pulling her head back and raises the razor) You're all the same venomous and two-faced bitches (he stops dead as he hears the cocking of her pistol, looks down to where it's pressed against his chest, and then lowers the razor, slashing at her neck.) JEANIE:     (fires the gun at his chest and then realizes that she herself has been cut) Oh, fuck oh God MADDIE:     (rushes into the room and surveys the scene) Joanie, you stupid, stupid cunt. What have you done? JEANIE:      (stands back shakily, clutching at the bleeding cut on her throat. Wolcott's body slumps sideways in the chair) I wasn't I wasn't gonna let another girl die not by his hand or any other. I seen too much of that. (she stumbles to the bed, trying to staunch her bleeding with a sheet). Get the fucking Doc, before you lose a partner, Maddie. MADDIE:     (Glares at her angrily) He was our ticket out of here, don't you see? (Tears spring to her eyes, frustrated and furious) I'd have wrung that bastard like a wet rag for every penny he had. We could've had a good life, you and me. JEANIE:     I ain't gonna have any if you don't fetch the Doc. (Maddie turns to leave the room) And get Cy Tollliver, too. This is gonna change everything.   References Wallington, A. (2003) Seven Steps to A Successful Spec Script, The Pilot Project Website. http://www.pilotproject.tv/7_steps_spec_script.html (Accessed May 8, 2007) HBO's Deadwood Website (2007) http://www.hbo.com/deadwood (Accessed May 11, 2007) Brockway, C (2005) Deadwood Episode 15 Transcript http://members.aol.com/chatarama/previously/Ep15.htm  (Accessed May 11, 2007)

Dollface

Naked - a short by Rachel Dretzin

I just ran across a pretty brilliant short film on the NYT site. It's interviews with 10 older men and women on sex. I love the reporter who's had his spine severed. Naked Let me know what you think.

New Erotica Readers and Writers Blog

A quick post to announce the launch of the Erotica Readers and Writers blog. This month's newsletter "Erotic Lure" is now up there. This is a monthly newsletter that reviews movies, books, and other fun stuff. All completely sex-related (bless their little hearts) Otherwise, I'm dreadfully busy with teaching.